This blog is special, and on a special day because this day last year my beautiful and youngest daughter, Zoey, came into the world! She has awed us with her beautiful eyes and loving personality from that moment on. As I reminisce about November 22, 2015, it’s making me do some major contemplating of how much things were different from my initial moments, and the whole first year with Zoey than Audrey. This year was certainly one for learning; learning how to juggle two kids, learning that all kids are different from personality to developmental time lines. I feel like I was able to appreciate so much more with certain things compared to my first but also missed out on a great deal because I already had one child.
With Audrey, her birth was obviously scary since I had never experienced it before, but it was also incredibly painful and I was in “preterm labor” for 5 days before I actually dialated enough to be admitted. Go ahead and tell me it was Braxton hicks btw and I’ll punch you in the throat! I have now experienced true contractions twice and these were them, my body just wasn’t moving forward as it should. Ok back to my point! I was exhausted by the time I was actually delivering so the whole moment of thrill to meet my baby was there but so was an even larger thought that I just wanted to sleep! (HAHA I’m still waiting to get some sleep) with Zoey I only dealt with contractions for two days before delivery (ONLY?) so I was more “rested” and I felt excited to actually meet my newest cherub! The moment I gave birth to Audrey she wasn’t breathing right, we had just enough time for one hello, and she was taken to the NICU, with Zoey I got to spend a good amount of time holding her and getting to know her before they sent her to the nursery to get bathed.
Hospital staff completely changes your experience with each child as well but that is for a whole separate blog post! Obviously, since Audrey was in the NICU for her first week of life and I had the opportunity to bond with Zoey right away the hospital experience was way more pleasant with Zoey. But, actually getting each child home was different, I had that one on one time with Audrey, but with Zoey we had both children so I had to try and compensate time for both. Also, sleep when the baby sleeps? (Yeah, not so much possible with Zoey, because my first gremlin was there if Zoey happened to be sleeping!) Something I did not expect was that I did find myself appreciating firsts more with my second, after much reflection I believe it’s because everything felt like so much after Audrey, and the sleep deprivation I wasn’t used to so I didn’t get to take it all in as much.I was a whole lot more prepared when it came to Zoey. I knew there was NO SLEEP and I had already been experiencing limited sleep since Audrey was born. I knew all about diapering,bathing, and feeding. I had already went through difficulties with Audrey and breast milk/formula (Formula made of gold!?) so I understood when Zoey started showing similar symptoms. I just wasn’t as panicky overall. Although I did go through some postpartum depression with Zoey that I didn’t have with Audrey (also a later post!) I just felt more like myself. I was already a mother, I knew how to do it, I was confident in myself and my parenting skills!
A year later I have days filled with confidence and those days I question every choice I make and a lot of “why?”, why does Zoey do some things sooner or later than Audrey did. Despite all the differences and lack of sleep, seeing Zoey become her own person and develop a relationship with her sister leaves my heart full! It is just the beginning, and what a beginning it has been. I can not wait to see what this next year holds for her, and us!